Our Stories

“Sing your songs of hope and fear -Sing the song that sent you here”
Wynonna Judd

From the beginning of time people have been telling stories about the Unknown Zone. So many teachers, sages, poets and authors have spun their magic with this topic. These stories were told before the written language and are as new as video clips on Facebook.

This past week the words of David from the Old Testament have been running around in my head. Most of us, even if we did not grow up religious, have heard pieces of the 23rd Psalms. The most “heard” version is the King James Version written in 1611. Envision a movie where someone on death row is walking the final walk with the priest reciting: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil: for thou art with me.”

Sounds like the Unknown Zone to me. But what I really like is that David doesn’t just leave it there, he proceeds to create a vision of beauty. “Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over”.

Of course there have been many translations of David’s Psalms over the years. One of my favorite versions is another old one, the Rheims-Douay version of 1610. In this one, the over running cup is summed up this way “My chalise which inebriateth me, how goodly is it!” Bet you can tell why I like that one.

It doesn’t matter that you are walking in the valley of the shadow of death or as in the New Jerusalem Bible “a ravine as dark as death”, you get to have a chalise with whatever you like, be it red or white, at the end of the day. Not only that but in the final verse you read that "goodness and mercy will follow you through all the days of your life"(King James). Now this is what I’m talkin’ about!

So, maybe the Old Testament doesn’t do it for you. My kids loved the movie The Goonies (1985). I don’t know how many times we watched that video. As I recall you have a bunch of slightly misfit kids, a noble cause, a treasure to be found on a pirate ship, bad guys and a monster (Sloth). In the end the bad guys get arrested and the noble cause has been achieved. But the real gem is that the slightly misfit kids find out that they weren’t so misfit. All of that happened in a story that my kids still quote from. I don’t think it is an inspiring quote, but none-the-less, they remember the story.

I find comfort that the Psalms that were written 3000 years ago have as much meaning for me as The Goonies has for my kids. I like that we have stories to tell. New or old, these stories of faith and valor overcoming dire circumstances and events are universally recognized. Our ancestors heard these same stories around the fire at night. They are a part of us. They comfort us and give us moments of joy when times might seem tough. They become our song.

Headlights

Bunny in a headlight. It's not so much the state of being frozen, but when ALL thoughts cease to exist. Fly right out of your head. This phenomenon is pervasive during the height of the Holy @#%! phase of the Unknown Zone. At least that is my highly objective observation.

Sometimes not having a thought in your head is wonderful. It's not so good when the Mack truck of unemployment is bearing down on you. However, taking a few days to think minimally really improved my ability to string a few thoughts together today. Sadly, they were all related to work so maybe they don't count.

I wonder how other people deal with this. It would be great if I could spend a few months taking long walks and drinking bottles of wine while listening to cathartic music on my ipod. No time for that. I wonder if anyone would like to sponsor me for a year so I can write the middle age version of Eat, Pray, Love. Any takers?

I guess I'll stick with the obvious. Time spent with the kids and a few glasses of wine, not the whole bottle. Spending time breathing fresh air and realizing I am home.

That and watching Buddy the bird trying to weave one of his tail feathers into his cage; which is highly entertaining and hardly uses a brain wave.

Reality

Honestly? Not sure what I was thinking. I THOUGHT that I could spend 2 days fitting my life into one small room and then be back to work at the Starbucks du jour, neatly keeping all emotions in place and being productive. It felt normal to read my emails and respond accordingly. Yesterday went well. Today I found myself alone in the Superior branch of "Buckies" with tears running down my face as I tried to work at the speed and pace that I did just last week.

Really? Hadn't I promised myself a couple of days to do nothing? Hadn't I vowed to stay present? Instead I was crying into the phone to Sean as I tried to explain that my "remote to office" wasn't working. The staff at Starbucks chatted amongst themselves trying to ignore the woman sitting in the corner at a table and chair fussing over the next Four Winds Newsletter copy. I mean this is important stuff!

Hanging up the phone I shut down the computer that wasn't cooperating anyway, threw my cup and napkin away, got in the car and started driving. Here is what I was thinking:

I am sad and angry. (Newsflash!) I have worked hard all my life and I am a good person and yet I can't even allow myself 2 freaking days to do nothing. I feel obliged to be such a good employee and need to be valued by my empoyer more than I need to value myself. THIS IS NOT A GOOD START TO A NEW POINT OF VIEW. I am taking the rest of the day to feel sorry and sad and angry if I like. Who am I kidding if I can't even kid myself?

So, here I am in my small room which is the most warm and light spot that I have. I think tomorrow I will try it outside of the box that I have created for myself. After all, that is what the Unknown Zone is and that is what I am supposed to be doing.