We have just gotten through the holiday season. The media has told us that spending our hard earned dollars is an economic indicator. This year it felt like going to the mall was elevated to a patriotic event. The more that we spent the more our sad economy would recover and then all would be right with our world. I understand the principle, but it makes me feel a little bit nauseous. Don't get me wrong. I am not a Grinch - I love Christmas! I love buying gifts for my loved ones.I just don't know when it stopped being about Christmas and became a power sport.
So now that we have made it to the finish line with the holiday/boosting the economy spending, I am writing about something that I have been doing for the past 5 or 6 months, that has absolutely no effect on the economy and certainly doesn't boost my bottom line, but makes me feel good none-the-less. I give away my money. No, I am not talking about giving my money to tax deductible worthy companies, like the Red Cross, although I do that too. I give my money to pan-handlers or anyone that I see that looks like they haven't slept under a roof for a while.
You see, for years when I passed these folks standing at the side of the road with their cardboard signs, I felt angry. I would mumble about the riff-raff that the city did nothing about. Why didn't they round them up and put them in shelters so that I wouldn't have to see them? I only gave my money to upstanding organizations that did good in the world for me. As hard as it is for me to admit, I think that I wanted to punish them somehow - like driving by without a glance is punishment. Why didn't they just get a job? I work hard for my money - why should I give it to people who will misuse it? Then about a year ago, while driving past a man with his ratty cardboard sign I realized that the thoughts that were in my mind at that moment did not reflect who I wanted to be.
I spent the next few months fighting with my angry thoughts every time I saw a pan-handler. I tried to see him as he was on the day that he was born - pure and full of potential. It would work for a moment, but then with the next person by the side of the road all the angry thoughts would flow out of my heart again. One day, after several months of this, I spent a few minutes after my meditation practice and asked in prayer how to rid my heart of these negative thoughts. The answer came immediately and was - give them money. I didn't like that answer and asked again - how do I get rid of these negative thoughts? And again the answer was - give them money. OK, I thought if that's answer, I will do it. I immediately went to my wallet and pulled out all the $1.00 bills that I had and put them in my car.
The next day as I was driving into town to pick up my mail, I was filled with eager anticipation to follow through and give my money to the next pan-handler that I could find. Of course when I was looking for someone to give to, there was absolutely no one around. It took a few days, but finally there was a man with a sign and I pulled up and rolled down my window. As I handed the money to him I looked into his eyes and what I saw rocked my world. This was a man, and it didn't matter what choices or events had landed him on the street - he could have been my brother or son and he was valuable. That's it. All the anger left me. What a gift.
So that is what I do. I would like to be able to afford to give more than $1 bills. My goal this year is to up it to $5. I think I might be able to pull that off. You see, what I get out of this far exceeds what they get. I now see the people that I felt uncomfortable seeing as valuable. And face it - if they are valuable, then maybe I am too. What can you give?
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