I stepped into the Unknown Zone on Wednesday, August 26, 2009. On this particular Wednesday I found out that the job that I had was being downsized, perhaps even eliminated. While I have been through many ups and downs in my life, this time I wanted to run an experiment to see if I could stand in discomfort and face my fears with courage instead of plowing through as I have always done. That weekend I went out and bought a journal.
My first entry in the journal was on August 30, “Do I have the courage to test it out”? I am not even sure I knew what I was testing. I started using the term Unknown Zone a few years ago after contemplating my computer, in the “unknown zone”, between this and that. It seemed like a good metaphor for times in my life when transformation was occurring. I had used the term for several years and thought that someday I would have the time to figure out why it was such a powerful thought for me. And so in September 2009 I started to write things down.
“In the eye of the storm there is that place of untapped pure potentiality. This is where the creative impulse lays.” I wrote on September 11. This is the first premise of the Unknown Zone. “It isn’t just about surviving crisis, change, or transformation by getting through it. It is about using the transformative situation as a catalyst - finding the creative impulse that will catapult you beyond the experience to find what is outside the fear.” – September 20.
I asked myself questions about the zone and wrote them down. It was not neat and I didn’t edit as I went, I just kept writing and thinking. There were only 2 things that I was sure of – that I wanted to move back to Boulder and the date that would happen. Otherwise I didn’t stress or strain to plan or push possible outcomes. Every day I just showed up with as much peace that I could find and wrote down what I noticed or felt about what I might want.
Charting the course
Moving through the first month I noticed that I was defining the Zone, creating steps to go though it. I kept coming back to the story of Odysseus trying to find his way home after the Trojan War. It took him 10 years and multiple challenges. Charting the course, navigating the unknown, creating within chaos.
- What is the presenting issue?
- What are my fears?
- What are the possible outcomes (downsides and upsides)
- What do I want to create?
- Action steps
By October 9, I had listed presenting issues, my fears and possible outcomes (both positive and not so). I wrote:
What do I want to create?
- To support all my needs abundantly with contract work.
- That I find a nice place to live; an apartment filled with light, where I can have a dog.
- That I will leave my current place of employment with 2 months severance for the move.
- That my current employer will agree to give me a contract for 20 hours weekly.
- That I will be able to continue to network and find contract work with the presenters, authors etc. that I have met along the way.
I wrote it and forgot about it, because it seemed to me that it was important to stay present in the day. On November 11, I layered in joy - “combine joyful expectation with the ongoing observation.”
December 20: “Remember, in the Zone you can manifest anything – keep your thoughts on what you want – avoid spending time thinking about what you don’t want.” I brought any fear-based thoughts back to joyful expectation.
The first week in April, my daughter and I finished packing the U Haul and I pulled out of Park City bound for Boulder with Bridget following in my car. The only arrangement that I had made was a room in a friend’s house in Boulder for an undetermined amount of time. I also had a severance agreement: Two months salary severance plus 20 hours a week ending May 15. Up until then it was all theory, now it was time to step into the Zone.
Navigating the zone
April 2: “I choose to live in this moment, as it is, with Grace. Find the moments of stillness and inspiration”.
The 9 X 10 room.
So began my laying fallow period. After a bumpy first week I developed my initial daily practice. I would work a couple of hours in the morning and a couple hours in the afternoon and the rest of the time I just sat on my air mattress and looked out at the park. I noticed the light as it changed during the day, the park regulars walking their dogs, doing tai chi, running by. I noticed my thoughts as they passed by too. When I had the notion to do something I would do it. On May 6 I wrote:
Peace-
That is what I am feeling.
I feel pretty peaceful-at peace with what is.
It’s perfect in this moment.
It just is and the lesson I am learning is that finding peace with what is – is better than worrying about it.
Right now – looking out my window, I am just happy to be.
Something had shifted and while my severance agreement had expired without a contract for further work I felt joyful anticipation. On the evening of May 18, I thought, “ It is time to get a dog” and I checked out the Humane Society on line. The next morning I woke up in a fever pitch of desire to get to the Humane Society – they didn’t open until 11:00 am. At 11:05 I walked in the door and at 11:10 in the 2nd to last kennel, there was Tucker. We fell in love.
Creating in the zone
Walking the dog.
So began my dog walking period. I still sat on my air mattress and worked, stared at the park and noticed my thoughts, but I also discovered life outside the 9 X 10 room. The people whom I had been watching walk their dogs became co-conspirators in the Boulder dog scene. (Take your dog off leash and let them play!)
Tucker and I walked miles every day both in the park and on the trails and my eyes started to lift up and take in the view. I kept thinking, “This is it! This is why I am here” as I would gaze at the Flatirons. My heart was bursting open. It felt like endless possibilities where flowing through me. I still didn’t know if I was going to be able to make any of this work, but I just felt pure happiness and left any thoughts of fear blow through. At the end of May I signed a contract with my employer for 20 hours per week of contract work. After that contract work just started showing up.
The apartment.
When I first arrived in Boulder I had done several searches online for an apartment, but every time I did, fear and doubt would flood in. So I let it go and continued to sit, watch and walk the dog. One day in July I woke up and thought, “It’s time to find an apartment.” I had thought that I wanted to live in Boulder, but on this morning I sat up, opened my computer and made 3 appointments to check out apartments in Longmont, 10 minutes North East of Boulder. The first one I saw was not only in my budget, it was filled with light and yes, I could have Tucker (they even reduced the pet rent). I paid my deposit and called to cancel the other appointments. On September 15 I moved in.
Now
A few weeks ago, after visiting my new baby grandson back on the east coast, I sat down to write in my journal. The well - loved book of handcrafted paper only had a few pages left. It struck me that in a little over a year I was on the other side of the Unknown Zone. I have created a new version of my life, complete with new memories, encompassing the older memories, some cherished, some bittersweet. I decided to look back and read some of the early thoughts on the Unknown Zone. That was when I came across the list of what I wanted to create. With a smile I realized that without any effort or trying on my part I had created just what I had written. Just showing up, watching my thoughts and acting when the thoughts said act had brought me here.
This certainly hasn’t been a double blind scientific study. But I sit here slightly stunned that without turmoil or strife I have created just exactly what I desired. I didn’t ask for a fancy car or 6-figure salary. I did ask for abundance and abundance I have. I asked for contract work on a steady basis and I have that and more. I asked for a home filled with light and a dog. I couldn’t have done it better if I had tried.
So, now what can I create.......?
