Anger is not an emotion that I am comfortable with. Growing up, strong emotions were not encouraged or countenanced. I had no context for what might be called useful anger, since there was no anger at all. Of course this was true for sorrow or delirious happiness too.
I was taught that since all things pass I should not become attached to my feelings. This was very yogic of my Mother, but not helpful in my overall emotional development. Since then and over the years I have developed a great respect for how our emotions can guide us in judging our present state of mind.
We have all woken up on a lovely sunny morning feeling happy to be alive and thinking that the day will bring nothing but sunshine and joy only to trip going up a stair, spilling our coffee into our briefcase, ruining the very spreadsheet that we worked for hours on the evening before as well as the laptop and cell phone ( well maybe not that exact scene but close) and finding the rest of the day in ruins. Once an emotion gets a grip on you it seems like there is no changing it until the winds of fortune shift, or perhaps you are a couple of glasses into a lovely bottle of wine. The day was no less sunny and lovely, but the state of mind was abruptly altered to indicate misfortune had occurred. Misfortune and good fortune often seem to be in cahoots with our emotions.
Which brings me back to my present state of mind. Since the end of last week, I have been feeling angry. Really angry. There are all sorts of very good reasons why and it has been easy for me to feel justified in my feelings. With each passing day I have risen from my bed and endeavored to create my day as Dr. Joe did in What the Bleep. I see the beauty and potentiality of the day. I feel the joy of the seamless creation of my choosing. (Jerry and Ester Hicks would be proud) I drop into stillness in meditation and follow that with a sweet little yoga flow. Om Shanti, and then the day just seems to explode and one misfortune after the other seems to occur. I know I am not alone in this. Ironically, the harder I work to feel peace and joy, the more fearful the misfortunes have become.
So I wonder, maybe instead of envisioning happy joy and abundance I should just get pissed off. I MEAN REALLY LET 'ER RIP! I don't mean slip into victimhood, but letting fly with some choice verbiage ( you know what I'm talking about). I don't want to scare the dog or the bird, but something has to shift. It seems to me that the "universe" has been waiting for me to experience anger and will keep sending me reasons to be angry until I get into the emotion and start expressing it. Does that make sense?
Remember the famous line from the movie 'Network', 1976, as entire cities screamed out of the window "I am angry as Hell, and I can't take it anymore!"?
ReplyDeleteI have felt tremendously angry in the last weeks, and no matter how rational I am about it, and how I try to dispel it, it does not go away until I allow myself to fully feel it. Let it rip, scare the dog if you must. Of course, I am only giving myself advice. Learning how to own and redirect this energy is art.